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We would meet in hotels, have sex – mindblowing sex - and then the realisation that what I was doing was irrevocably wrong would set in.

Taking my online affair offline was my big mistake, a transgression too far.

We had agreed, early on in our relationship, that we wouldn't have children. Several friends, however, were convinced that our lack of children created a vacuum.

I was convinced I wouldn't make a very good mother and didn't want my son or daughter, in 40 years time, to dread calling me, fearful I'd berate them for some emotional crime or other. I'm not sure I entirely agree with that, but it is true that when we bought our first house together, we somehow conspired to buy a wreck that required a lot of our attention and focus. I didn't want an affair, nothing grubby, nothing seedy.

While my husband spent most evenings catching up on the horse racing he'd recorded over the weekend, I began perusing chatrooms – not in pursuit of cybersex necessarily, but initially more for harmless flirtation, a little virtual attention.

There were redundancy problems at work; my marriage was showing strains; and there was something large and unnameable missing from my life.I failed – the guilt was profound – and so began the painful but necessary process of erasing one and focusing solely on the other, the one that had come first.Mercifully, the kind and complicated man I was married to focused too.I am bound to say, though, that I wasn't solely culpable. I ended up marrying one of these complicated boyfriends.He was by far the best of the bunch, a kind and generous man, but someone who could also be selfish and unfeeling.

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